Moms are always moms....

Today was a craptastic day. I had to go in for a CT scan (drink the yucky stuff and have it injected into me as well). When I left work, not only was Memorial Golf Tournament going on, but a semi had spilled fuel on the highway and shut it down. This is the only good way in and out of the Muirfield area. So, I took an alternate route. I ended up behind this woman who decided her good deed for the day was going to be letting a semi out. She stopped traffic on our side and the other side was forced to stop, too. Keep in mind, this is a two lane road, very narrow. The semi was turning left. I backed up as far as I could, but there was a car behind me. Like a moron, she just sat there, waiting for the truck to go.

So, she finally put her minivan in reverse and started to back up. I motioned her back farther. However, there is a big difference between the keep coming and the stop motion. There's a really big difference between the keep coming and the honking the horn action as well. She didn't get that. She backed into me. Luckily, she was only going a couple of miles per hour, so no damage. But, when she finally stopped (at the next light) and I examined the damage, I did tell her what I thought.

Those of you who know me can imagine what was said and the tone in which it was said. I basically told her that the next time, don't worry about the f***ing semi. She was totally clueless.

So, I needed to vent about this. I called my mom (because my new man hasn't seen this part yet, and I want to wait as long as possible before he sees this side of me.) I tell her, I just need to vent. I go through what I said.

My mom is old-fashioned. I get it. But I am an adult. She focused on my use of the f word and told me how badly it reflected on her. How this became about her, I'm not sure. But it was the wrong time. I calmly said, then I will call someone else who will listen to me.

This was our first disagreement since my dad died last January. It was tough. It still is. I call my mom at least 3, sometimes 4, times a day. I know how lonely she gets. Tonight I was still sore about what had happened, but I did my usual call at 9pm. She was pretty cold. She told me how hurt she was over the situation. Again, not sure when it became about her. I told her that I respect that she doesn't like that word, but I am an adult and if I choose to use it, I will do so.

She was worried that I had hurt the woman's feelings. Truth is, I couldn't care less. She stupidly shut down traffic and then backed into my car. But in my mom's eyes, I'm the bad one because I used the f word. Was it a shining moment? No, I'll give it that. But I had reached my boiling point by then.

She also said that as my mother, it was her job to tell me when I was out of line. I agreed with her that she can tell me that, but she needs to pick the right time.

So, now my mom and I are chilly. And I'm taking the new man home to meet her this weekend. UGH!!

I know that moms are always moms. I did have to tell my mom several years ago that when I tell her stuff now, it's because I need a sounding board. I know she still wants to fix my problems for me, but she can't. I just need her to listen. Now, I feel like I don't have that anymore either.

Etiquette in the drive-thru

1. Your car is no more important than anyone else's. Please do not stop 4 feet from the car in front of you in order to protect your precious bumper. The drive-thru is built to have the cars packed in tight so that the person behind you can pull up far enough to order or pay. Also, the damage done at .025 miles per hours will be extremely minimal anyway, just in case we do bump each other. And no matter what you do, I will pull up as close to your bumper as possible, because I actually realize that everything I do affects the world around me.

2. When you pull up to place your order, it is not proper to use words like "Gimme" or "I need." It is proper to use words such as "please" and "thank you." Make sure you know what you're ordering ahead of time. It's not like McDonald's or Wendy's makes huge changes to their menu every day. You shouldn't be searching for that Quarter Pounder which has been on the menu from day one.

3. After you've ordered and they've given you the total, please don't just sit there while you get out your money. You pulled into a drive-thru, for God's sake; what did you think you would be doing????? Why are you always surprised that you have to pay????? Pull up so that the person behind you can order.

4. I don't blame you for wanting to sit there and check your order once you've received it. It's true that a lot of mistakes are made. But, if you've ordered for your Little League team, pull to the side. No one should have to wait while you check through the 15 cheeseburgers for the one without pickles.

Pedestrians and bicyclists,you annoy the crap out of me.

Dear Mr. Pedestrian,

Please take as much time as possible crossing the street. If you walk faster, it just makes me feel bad about myself and then the rest of my day is ruined. Also, you might accidentally improve your cardiovascular health if you walk instead of saunter mindlessly while glaring at everyone sitting at the light.

You should ignore those Walk/Don't Walk monitors. Let's be honest. The people who designed those were just having a big laugh on people who need to cross the street. Of COURSE it's safe to cross the street any time. Drivers are never distracted and are always on the lookout for the intrepid pedestrian to jump off of the curb and rush into traffic.

Dear Mr. Bicyclist,

I love that you get to ride on the road with us. The best part of that is when you ride directly in front of me, going about 4 miles an hour. I know that I'm on my way to work and I'm in my car on the road, which has generally been made for use by motor vehicles, but you should take full advantage of your rights and ride in the middle of the lane.

The rules that apply to vehicles on the road obviously should be ignored by you. Just because you're sharing the road with vehicles, you should ignore red lights, stop signs and change lanes without notification. You are much smaller than we are and there's SUCH a good chance that we won't hit you. And, since you're so well-protected if we did hit you, there is no assumption of the risk on your part.

Thanks again, Mr. Pedestrian and Mr. Bicyclist. I'll be seeing you out there. Maybe. Maybe not.

Astro Alert: Uranus Turns Retrograde

Yes, this is the title of an email I received today from Astrology.com. Thank God they can let me know when my (Ur)anus is moving backward. It's so embarrassing when you find out later that you've been walking around with a backward (Ur)anus.

The email continues on to say that I should: Listen to your dreams, tap into undiscovered psychic abilities and let your inner child have the crayons and glitter back. New creative outlets are getting ready to surface -- and now's the time to give 'em a whirl! As a result, this is also a crucial time to note that fine line between dreamy idealism and plain ol' escapism; your challenge is to stay away from mere illusions. And what's one realm where idealism and day-to-day practicality most effectively and successfully merge? Why, l'amour, of course!

Funny they should mention it, as Lawgirl has recently found some love. :-)

I am not a parent myself, but of course I have an opinion on parenting.

When my parents had the five of us, it was because that's what happened when you had sex. We weren't planned, we were just the end result. I certainly didn't have perfect parents (not that anyone does), but after I grew up, I began to appreciate the way they raised us. We were not the center of the universe. We definitely did not run the household. We had to adhere to our parents' schedule, not the other way around. All my father had to do was say my whole name and I immediately straightened up.

I don't think that children should be deathly afraid of their parents. However, a little fear doesn't hurt anyone. My parents never saw us as perfect. They saw our flaws and loved us in spite of them. But they weren't blind. If someone called my parents and told them one of us had done wrong, they didn't strike out against the messenger. They came to us and expected the truth, whether it confirmed what the messenger said (and it usually did) or not.

A recent news story caught my attention and demonstrated just how far down the road we have gone from this way of thinking. Two boys were fighting in a local school and in order to break it up, the policeman assigned to the school had to resort to using a taser to break up the fight. The mother of one of the boys is VERY upset that a taser was used on her son.

Let's recap, shall we?

1. Our children are now so badly behaved that we have to have police officers assigned to schools. Sure, keep telling yourself it's to keep molesters and others out.

2. These two boys were each around 260 lbs, larger than the policeman himself. I'm sure he yelled at them, but for God's sakes, they ignore their parents when they yell, why would they listen to an officer of the law???

3. The policeman has 3 tools at his disposal: the taser, the gun, the billy club. Which one was the right one to use?? Would the mother have been happier with the gun or the billy club?

4. How about instead of crabbing about how the police officer hurt your precious little boy while he was fighting at school you teach your child not to fight? Good Lord, don't take credit for how he turned out. It's not your fault.

Parents, you are the example for your children. You are supposed to be in charge. You are supposed to be teaching, guiding, and when necessary, discipline them. Take back your rights. Your children have made you prisoners in your own home. They're making us prisoners here in the world, too.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I went through a bad breakup a couple of months ago. The breakup was not quick and painless; it had actually started clear back in November and then I let it continue on until March. I thought I could make it work, but I was wrong. As sad as I am about what happened, I actually learned a lot about relationships and myself.

This man has a lot of potential to be more than he is. I'm not talking about making money or living in a big house or anything like that. I'm talking about his general outlook on life and his current situation. He is one of those people who complains incessantly that life is unfair, that he's unhappy with where he is, and that he wants something different. Life happens TO him and he feels it's out of his control. But, when he has a chance to make a change, he doesn't take it.

Humans naturally resist change. When we order the same meal at the same place, it should taste the same every time. We want to know that we can always count on Must See TV on Thursday nights. We love our routines. But this attraction to order and familiarity is what holds us back.

If you really want to have a different life, change it. These changes don't have to be drastic. Take a class, start a book club, put yourself out there. You never know what can happen. I used to be unhappy with my life, because I wasn't being challenged anymore. I'd been in my job for some time and I didn't want a career in that field. So, after years of griping, I put my money where my mouth was and decided to go to law school. I'm not saying that you should run out and borrow a $100,000 like I have to go to school. Your change might not require that. Take a chance, though. Life involves risk. And you might as well take it, because none of us get out alive.

But, if you're not going to make a change (and I don't mean that you can't, I mean you won't), stop bitching about it. Only you can make your life better. No one else is responsible; not your spouse, not your parents, not your friends. You choose your destiny. And if you choose to stay in a rut and be unhappy, you don't have the right to complain. And again, I'm not saying that you have to move, change careers, begin/end relationships right away. The little changes you start making tomorrow will lead to the bigger changes in the end.

Take the step. We'll all be here to cheer you on.

Betty's Bed and Breakfast = Heaven

My life is pretty busy. I work full time and I go to law school in evenings. If I could have one superpower, it would be that I would have the ability to freeze time. That way, I could accomplish all that I need to get done and then have time for things I want to do. Did you ever see the movie "Parenthood," the one with Steve Martin? I always come back to the scene where he and his wife are fighting and she says, Do you have to go? He replies, my whole life is have to.

I feel that way sometimes. I have to go to work, I have to read for school, I have to do laundry. The list goes on and on. This weekend, though, was different.

Two of darling, dearest friends and I went to visit Betty's Bed and Breakfast. It's in Versailles, Ohio, if you're interested. Betty Shappie is a certified reflexologist and I met her through another darling, dear friend. My friends and I went up there, had foot reflexology performed by Betty, had full body massages by Betty's friend, Connie, fabulous meals, and enjoyed small town life in both Versailles and Greenville. Betty has 3 rooms available, along with 2 full bathrooms. She also has a wonderful man, Carl, who makes a fabulous omelet. And, the world's greatest dog, Sam.

For me, time finally stopped. I felt like we had been gone for weeks, instead of just overnight. It was the best gift I've ever received. I had a weekend without have to. :-) Thank you Betty and Carl and my darling, dear friends.

Britney Spears is an excellent example of why you should have to pass a test before being allowed to have and raise children.

I know the girl is young. Everyone knows she's not very bright (Kevin Federline anyone?). But for crime in Italy, this is a perfect example of how it doesn't matter whether your young or old, rich or poor, you still should have to pass some sort of test before you are allowed to produce another human being, raise it in your own image (that's what parents do) and then inflict it on the rest of us.

I have studied adoption law. What we make people who are biologically unable to produce their own children or who have decided to open their home to foster kids do is amazing. Background checks, home visits, references....all to be able to raise a child that someone else either gave up or had forcibly removed. I knew a woman who was Chinese and married an American. Most of her family still lived in China, she spoke both Chinese and English, and she and her husband visited China regularly. They petitioned to adopt a half Chinese/half American baby from China. When the home visit happened, the rep said, now, how can you support this child's heritage??? But, as long as you and your partner are fertile and you hit that magical time of the month, you can just go ahead and start another human being's life. You get to choose how your body will take care of it while it's inside of you (smoking or not, drinking or not, eating healthily or not). You dress it up the way you want, you feed it what you want and you teach it your likes and prejudices.

However, if you should not be able to biologically produce a child on your own, you have to submit actual documentation on why you could be a better parent than someone else on the list could and compete for less children than their are hopeful adoptive parents on the list.

Don't think that I'm generally for government intrusion into our homes, our bedrooms, our bodies. But, when it comes down to something as important as putting out another person and making them into a respectable member of society, I do think some sort of regulation needs to occur. I don't have the answers; I'm not pretending it would be easy. But I have seen up close and personal what people do to their kids because they think they OWN their children and it is their constitutionally protected right to raise their kids as they see fit.

The children in this world are most preyed upon individuals and they have little to no voice as to how they will be treated.

Why Oprah annoys (and scares) the bejesus out of me

Anyone who knows me knows that I want people to think for themselves. My parents constantly admonished me against following the crowd. I don't mind if people have differing opinions; I just want them to be educated in their opinions. I know, it sounds funny when my blog is called If you would just listen to me....

Oprah bothers me on several levels. The first is her unabashed joy in the power of her show and her opinion. An author appears on her show, the book sales go up. A singer or band appears on her show, their album sales go up. I am a voracious reader and I tried to read some of the books she recommended in her book club. I didn't like any of them. Granted, I like a beginning, middle, and end. I don't want a meandering tale that really has no point.

When she has celebrities on her show, she introduces them as her friend, her sister. She hugs them and looks at the camera as if to say, look at me. I'm hugging Tom Cruise or Jennifer Aniston or Teri Hatcher. Instead of it being about them, it's always about her.

This is a woman with a gazillion dollars, who could make a difference in USA-based charities. But she chooses to give back to Africa most of the time. Why? Let's see....was she born there? Nope. Did her grandparents or parents come from there directly? Nope. Was she educated there? Nope. Hmmm, I'm of German-Irish descent and you don't see me giving to charities that solely support those nationalities. I don't base my giving on the color of my skin or my heritage. Granted, it is her money and she's free to do with it what she will; but she made that money here in the good ol' USA.

We as a country have given tons of money and aid to Africa. Have they improved? No. Do they learn from their experiences and try to improve their living conditions? No. Why not? I witnessed Live Aid (the first one). Why is the situation still so dire there?

Oprah's influence is frightening, because she wields a great amount of power and she is the one deciding what is good and what is evil. People should do that for themselves. Do the research.

Beautiful wedding pictures (not related to previous post)

Morgan Spurlock, supergenius creator of Supersize Me! and the TV series, 30 Days, recently married his long-time fiancee, Alex. These are some of the most beautiful wedding pictures I've ever seen. You can check them out on his blog here: http://blogs.indiewire.com/morganspurlock/

Driving in Columbus

Here are some truths about driving:

1. If you find that you are in the wrong lane, please do not make the rest of the world wait for you by holding tight in your lane (with 3 miles of traffic behind you) while you wait for someone in the lane in which you want to be to let you go. This is rude and unnecessary. Go up to the next available place and turn around. The world does not center around you.

2. If you drive a car that costs less than $15k or even $20k, do not put a vanity plate on it. And even if you have a car that costs more than $20k, don't put a vanity plate on it unless it's something clever. I drove behind a Nissan Xterra the other day with the vanity license plate of....XTERRA. Did you ever see the Far Side where the guy paints the name of every object on that object, even the cat and the dog and says, That should clear things up? That's what the XTERRA plate reminded me of. And don't put your name on there; it's dangerous. If you can't think of something funny or something that tells us about an interest of yours (RU 486), then don't do it.

3. Rain and ice are not the same thing. Especially in temperatures above 60 degrees. Really.

4. Slamming on your brakes when you see a cop is the same thing as shouting out, "I'm speeding!" First of all, according to a friend of mine whose cousin is a cop, they can't get a good read on your speed until you hit your brakes. Second of all, you could cause an accident. Third of all, you draw attention to yourself. Just take your foot off of the accelerator.

5. You do need to get over when there are flashing lights and a siren behind you. Think about it this way: If it was you or your family member in that ambulance, if it was your house burning down, or if it was you or your family in the middle of a domestic dispute, you would want the vehicle to arrive at its destination as quickly and as safely as possible.

Okay, that's enough for now. This will definitely be a subject we'll be returning to, though.

Lurkers welcome

I admit it. I, Lawgirl, am a lurker. Yes, I read other people's blogs and don't leave comments. And because I do it, it's okay with me if you do it. Lurk away. Free your inner-lurker (only online; it's not okay to do that to people's windows.)

Customer Service

I freely admit that I was not the best at customer service when I had such jobs in my youth (any time before 30.) Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't know good or bad customer service when I see it. :-)

I will just say this regarding a scorching case of bad customer service I recently encountered: I told them that dealing with them was like going to the hospital to have surgery and waking up with a gaping hole where the surgery was done. When asked why the incision was not closed, the hospital said, you should have told us that you wanted that before OR (alternatively) you'll have to fill out another form for that.

I am older now and realize that I need to treat people the way that I want to be treated when dealing with an issue where something has gone wrong. So, I always try kindness first. I don't go to badgering and full-out rage unless necessary.

Hey!!

So, have been wanting to do this for awhile. I originally wanted to do a movie review blog, but while working full-time and going to law school, can't manage movies too often.

My mother is consistently telling me that the world thinks differently than I do. Of course, I think that if everyone thought like me, it would be so much easier. But I'm sure everyone feels that way. :-)

This will be a place for me to air my thoughts and rants. There may be coarse language. There may be things that you don't want to hear. I promise that I will offend someone sometime. But it's my space to say what I think and I expect respect for that. If you don't like it, don't read it. I enjoy discussion and such and can even handle it when people disagree with me. But please don't come on here and try to force your views on me. State them and then let go.

Tonight's topic: Manners when attending an event for someone else

I have a co-worker who has a frienemy. You know, one of those friends who thinks she or he is your friend, possibly even your best friend, but with whom you would rather just not have to deal. You invent excuses to not call them back, to not make plans with them, to get out of their wedding. We all have one...two....maybe more.

Anyway, this co-worker's frienemy was married recently and the co-worker's parents could not attend the wedding. The co-worker is being given a baby shower this weekend (it's her first child) and because her mother will obviously be on hand, the frienemy has decided that this would be the PERFECT opportunity to show off her wedding photos.

Now, stay with me. Is this event for the frienemy? NO. Is the event about the co-worker? YES. Is it possible that another time could be made available for the frienemy to show her photos to the co-worker's mother? YES. Is what the frienemy is doing in incredibly bad taste? YES, YES, YES.

People, if you are not the guest of honor, stay out of the limelight. Let people have their day. The frienemy had her day on her wedding day. She'll get another one when she gets pregnant. The frienemy is being completely selfish. The photos will be around for YEARS. Co-worker is only pregnant the first time...well, the first time.